


Memories of White

by ssa_archivist



Category: Smallville
Genre: M/M, episode-related
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-12-08
Updated: 2003-12-08
Packaged: 2017-11-01 09:25:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/354940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ssa_archivist/pseuds/ssa_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-Shattered.  Lex finds something to believe in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memories of White

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Shelley, Caro, and Stone Princess for 

## Memories of White

by Joyfulgirl41

<http://www.livejournal.com/~joyfulgirl41/>

* * *

Disclaimer: The boys don't belong to me. If they did, I'd be way nicer to them. What? I would! I'd let, nay, _encourage_ them have sex, anyway. See? That's nice! 

audiencing. They're such good sports. 

Summary: Post-Shattered. Lex finds something to believe in. 

Feedback: Please? It makes Lex happy. He has so little joy in his life right now. Why would you begrudge him happiness?  <g>

* * *

_What day is this_  
 _Besides the day you left me_  
~Dave Matthews 

* * *

White, so bright his eyes hurt. The color of blinding hate and Lex couldn't move his arms. He struggled against the white, struggled to free his hands. When he closed his eyes the white was still there and his nose itched. Lex was starting to fear he'd gone blind. That he would have to suffer this eternal light, stark and bare and empty. He craved the dark. His shoulders strained. 

"Lex!" 

Big hands held his wrists down. 

"Lex, look at me, please." A voice soft and pleading. 

The white faded away, resolved into dark hair and bright eyes full of concern. 

"My nose itches," he whispered. 

Clark smiled and released Lex's wrists, reaching up to scratch his nose for him. "I was afraid I'd lost you, there." 

The room was full of rich, blessedly muted colors. Soft, burgundy sheets surrounded them. The brightest thing in the room was Clark's warm, golden skin. 

"I was--" 

"I know." Clark kissed him, soft red heat, dark and welcoming. Like home. 

Clark ran his hands up Lex's sides, velvety soft touch. Lex groaned and closed his eyes, his body relaxing when he saw nothing but black. He arched into Clark's caresses, letting them smooth away the memories of white and fill all the empty places with dark. 

* * *

Lex watched Clark as he slept, wanted to reach out and brush Clark's bangs away from his forehead, let his fingers trail down over Clark's face. So beautiful that every time Lex looked at him it was a surprise. Like Clark's beauty was too much for Lex's mind to contain as a memory. 

Clark's eyelashes fluttered as he opened his eyes. They were dark, smoky, the color clear and undefined--somewhere between blue and green, as startling and beautiful as the rest of him. 

"I love you," Lex said. 

"Love," Clark said, reaching out to trace Lex's lips with his thumb. "Oh, Lex." A frown marred Clark's brow. "You don't love me." 

Lex could feel something tugging at the corners of his mind. The white trying to intrude on this place. He shook his head and tried to concentrate on what Clark was saying. "I don't?" 

"No," Clark whispered. 

Lex's neck hurt, he wanted to rub it. As if reading his mind, Clark reached out and rubbed it for him, his touch strong and soothing. 

"I love you," Lex said again, because this was important. Clark needed to understand. He needed to believe. Lex needed to believe. He needed-- 

"You hate me, Lex," Clark said. "Don't you remember?" 

"No." 

"I need you to remember, Lex. It's easy to confuse, I know." Clark rolled them over so that he was on top of Lex, his expression earnest. "Love and hate are so close." 

Lex wanted to move, to shake Clark off but Clark had him pinned. Lex couldn't move his arms. "You saved me. You're the only one who saves me." 

"I betrayed you." Clark bent down to kiss him. "I always will. Just like Helen. Just like Desiree. Just like everyone else." 

"No. They tried to kill me." Why was Clark doing this? 

"You'll die a thousand deaths at my hands, Lex. You already have. You keep coming back." Clark's expression was genuinely puzzled. "Why?" 

"Because I love you." 

"No. God, Lex. You don't love me. You have no idea what love is." Clark kissed him again. "You hate me, you envy me." He nuzzled Lex's neck, his touch so relaxing. "I represent everything you can never have. You don't love me. You don't even trust me because you know I don't trust you. I know who you are. I know _what_ you are." 

"You don't trust me?" 

"You _know_ I don't." 

"Why are we here, Clark?" 

Clark reached out to stroke the side of Lex's face. Lex still couldn't move his arms. "Because you need to learn, Lex. You're so focused on your father as the enemy that you believe in the wrong people. You're by yourself. You always will be." 

"Please," Lex whispered. 

"The only person you can trust is yourself. You need to understand. Everyone else will only hurt you." Clark bent down to kiss Lex's nose, his cheeks, his lips. "You're so pretty when you're broken." 

"I don't want you to leave me," Lex said. 

"I've already left you, so many times. But I'll come back, just like you will. We always come back to each other," Clark said gently. "What's between us--it's forever. That's something you can trust. We have a destiny, Lex." 

"The stuff of legends?" 

And Clark smiled, so bright that it blended into the walls. Bright all around, closing in on him. 

White. The color of hate and Lex clung to it. Something he could finally believe in. 


End file.
